Sugar on the Bee-A Kind of Haunting

Haunting

A Kind of Haunting
100 words for Friday Fictioneers
Photoprompt ©Roger Bultot

Where will you be, my phantom man, my memory? Will you lean on the bar, your fingerprints already on a glass? Will you be on the balcony? The stair? Will you walk through the gracious hall or take the chapel path to evensong? Will you be comforting another troubled soul in the car park, by the station? Or in the car park anywhere? Will I see, as in my dreams, the red-pink of your coat, the one that lost a single, treasured thread?

I harden my heart for what’s to come. I miss you very much. I see you everywhere.

 

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50 thoughts on “Sugar on the Bee-A Kind of Haunting

  1. You’ve written that piece beautifully, Jilly. You conjure up such a sense of place and presence. The rhythm and near-rhymes make it a poem, even though you’ve formatted it as prose. I loved it.

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    1. I like either way but it is actually a story of lost love. Thank you so much for your comments, I appreciate them. The longing is very sad but I am glad it came through in the words.

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  2. Jilly, a beautiful, poignant tale. I experienced it both ways…one in the sense of a young person hoping to find “the one” and not knowing where that’s going to be. The other, as an older person who has lost their partner and sees them everywhere, even in places they never went together. I lost a friend a week ago. We weren’t close in the sense of doing things together. Our sons had played football together when they were young and back then while I was having serious battles fighting an auto-immune disease, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She beat it for awhile, but then it came back. I was in the supermarket on Friday and had such a strong sense both of her presence and her absence. I don’t recall ever seeing her there, although a close friend of hersworks there. It was a strange feeling. Hard to explain, but the sort of thing capture in your story. Well done.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

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    1. Thank you so much, Rowena, for your thoughtful and thought-provoking response. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. I am sure there is more to life than we can possibly understand and that could explain your experience in the supermarket. In a way it’s comforting and having lost a lifelong friend of my own seven years ago I do feel, as with my late mother, that I am still benefiting from the sound common sense and kindness I got when they were with me on this earth. Good thoughts to you and thank you again for taking the time to respond to my story, Jilly.

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  3. Those struggles are, as you say, very complex – to repeatedly imagine seeing the person is a symptom of the struggle in my opinion and also carries an element of wishful thinking. Thank you very much for your comments.

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  4. I join the choir that is delighted about the emotion jumping out of your story. But I’m also intensely intrigued by the red-pink thread, the evensong, and the other souls to be comforted. I think the narrator is longing for someone unaccessible and probably unworthy.

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  5. Now that is very interesting and thank you very much for your brilliant attention to the detail. I believe the longed-for person is unworthy as well as unaccessible. Of course the keeping of the thread is to illustrate the depth of passion and the totally unrealistic situation. Why keep a thread from someone’s coat when you can find a real person and share a whole wardrobe? (As I wrote and edited the piece the unaccessible one became more and more likely to be a priest.)

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