Slow Train

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SLOW TRAIN
100 words for Friday Fictioneers
Photoprompt © Dawn M Miller

A handful of hearts and the time of our lives
There’s something so wasted about it
The high in the sky where you promised we’d fly
and I had no reason to doubt it
But there’s a way and will to waste precious time
You win or you lose and to you that’s just fine
but no matter how many tears you deny,
a promise that’s broken is just a lie
And you made love a tear stain
You made love a closed lane
and you made a love a slow train
that leaves
and won't come back again

Published by jillyfunnell

Published

82 thoughts on “Slow Train”

  7. Undeniably so, a promise not kept is the worst of deceptions. Betrayal hearts a lot deeper than pure meanness.

    The tone works very well for the message, the way it flows between a chant and a soft wail, reciting what got the speaker there.

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  25. That’s a poem to read out loud rather than silently. As soon as I did so, the rhythm of the last two lines made sense – it’s the suddenly disruptive rhythm of a train going over points. Somebody just got shunted into a siding I think!

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  26. Your piece is like a melody, I read it a few times and enjoyed the flow. Light and airy at first, then the rhythm changes and becomes staccato. My favorite line was, “a promise that’s broken is just a lie,” the beginning of the change. I enjoy and learn so much from reading your stories!

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    1. Thank you so much for your great response, Brenda. Yes, the reference to a broken promise is the start of the kind of repetitive lament and thank you for noticing, I believe FF is a great way to share and learn, and I always thoroughly appreciate your comments, best wishes, Jilly.

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  27. “a promise that’s broken is just a lie” ~> I love this line. When I read it, it stopped me in my tracks and I had to just go “yes. yes it is”.

    This was such a good response to the prompt. Your poem is melodic and emotional and the sort of poem one reads multiple times!

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    1. Dear Jonathan, I am just so delighted by your response to “Slow Train”. Thanks a million for the reblog, what a joy to know that my poem is travelling so far and wide because of your kindness. Very best wishes, Jilly.

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